


Seeking Answers

by PhantomPhan16, VicenteValtieri



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, M/M, Post Mpreg, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21855766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomPhan16/pseuds/PhantomPhan16, https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicenteValtieri/pseuds/VicenteValtieri
Summary: Young Castiel Strange is seeking answers about his late mother, Loki. His father, Stephen Strange, has kept the truth from him his entire life. Now he's turning the rest of the Avengers for the answers his father won't give him.
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	Seeking Answers

**Author's Note:**

> This is post-Infinity War but Tony, Peter, and Strange did not go to Titan, they returned to Earth and clashed with Thanos in Wakanda complete with Strange still in control of the Time Stone, and Thor didn't gloat over killing Thanos, he just cut his head off the moment he had the chance. There was no Snap, no Endgame.

"Wizard!"

Stephen jumped as Thor's bellow rang through the New York Sanctum. His toddler son began crying.

"Shit, Thor!"

He picked Cas up and tried to calm him down.

"There had better be an emergency."

He carried the tot out to the main room. Thor looked awful. He was dirty, bloody, and had an eye patch. His hair was cut short, and he had something in his hand.

"What happened to you?"

"... Loki is dead."

"What?" Stephen clutched Cas closer.

The Asguardian held out the broken half of an amulet Loki had made for them. His half was under his robes, more so be out of reach of Cas.

"No..." Stephen reached out and took it, "How did it happen?"

"Thanos killed him. Before Thanos reached us Loki told me about you, the two of you,... and your son. ... I'm sorry. He died trying to kill Thanos."

"That's exactly like him," Stephen tried to hide his pain but didn't succeed.

Life without Loki was hard, but Cas eased his pain. He raised his son as best he could, but he also sheltered Cas from the truth about Loki. The Avengers and Fury gave in to his demands they not tell his son the truth either.

The battle with Thanos left more scars than he wanted to think of. Again, he turned to Cas.

They won, that day in Wakanda, but Stephen sheltered his child from the world outside the Avengers or New Asgard. Now Cas was 17, and he was curious about the mother he couldn't remember. He no longer just accepted being told that Loki had loved him. Thor was only allowed to tell stories of his and Loki's youth, of happy times in Asgard.

"Dad."

"Yes, honey?" Stephen asked, monitoring a situation in Paraguay.

"Tell me the truth about Mom."

"Your Mother was Loki of Asgard, a passionate and mischievous man, an infuriating partner, and an incredibly loving mother."

"Yeah, but there's more. You think I wouldn't notice? You won't talk about how you met, and Uncle Thor won't tell me anything past Mom being my age. You're hiding things from me."

"Some things you don't need to know. It was a bad time. I'm busy right now, can we talk about this later?"

"You always do this. I don't need to know?! He was my mother! You're lucky, at least you can remember him! I don't remember ANYTHING about him!"

"He loved you. Desperately and completely, with all his heart. Is there anything else that matters?"

"What he was like. How you met. Why he left! How he died!"

Stephen felt his temper start to fray. He had worked long and hard to keep his son from Loki's adulthood story, and now that same child was trying to undo all his efforts.

"Cas! I am in the middle of something at the moment!" he snapped.

"... Fine." Too late Stephen realized he was hearing a portal and turned just as Cas's portal closed.

"Cas, wait - ..."

He sighed and turned back to his work. He'd be fine. He'd probably gone to Thor to complain how his father was being 'unfair'. The King of New Asgard usually just bore it and let his nephew vent to him.

Nick Fury wasn't overly surprised when Castiel Strange stepped into his living room.

"Good morning, Mr. Strange," Fury told him, "Coffee?"

"You knew my mom, right?"

"I knew of him, yes. I wouldn't say I knew him."

The teen sighed, "I know Uncle Thor won't tell me without Dad's permission, but Dad won't tell me anything."

"So you've come to me. What makes you think I want to piss off the Sorcerer Supreme?"

"I'm sorry. I just... he doesn't get it. He remembers Mom, what he looked like, sounded like... He has memories... I don't."

"I can't give you memories."

"I know. I'm just looking for answers I guess."

Fury sighed, "Well... I'd start with Clint, if he'll say anything."

Cas smiled.

"Thank you," he said, leaving through another portal. An hour later Stephen appeared.

"D-"

"Where's my son, Fury?"

"He came in, he left. I can't track your portals."

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing."

Strange turned to leave.

"But that's the problem."

He looked back at the former Director.

"What?"

"Kid's lookin' for answers from wherever and whoever he can get them from because you won't give them."

"Don't talk to me about that. You and the rest of Shield, most of you hated him. Even when we learned about the staff's effects."

"I'm not denying that. Still doesn't change that kid doesn't know jack because you won't tell him squat."

"He knows Loki loved him. He doesn't need anything else."

Fury met Stephen's gaze, unflinching.

"Doesn't he? Would that be enough for you in his shoes?"

Strange opened his return portal.

"I don't know."

He stepped through. The day was spent going to the other Avengers. He finally got a lead with Clint.

"Yeah he was here, couple hours ago, asking all sorts of questions 'bout Loki."

"What did you tell him, Clint?"

"... I told him that Loki fell in with a bad crowd but not much else. Truth enough, but it's not my job to give him details. That's your job, doc. You want to find him... try Avenger Tower."

"I was just there," Strange sighed and opened another portal.

When he stepped out Thor was there, as was Cas. Tony was talking to them, and they all turned at his arrival.

"There you are. You have no idea how long I've been looking for you."

Tony went to him, intercepting the Sorcerer Supreme.

"Okay, they're gonna talk, and you and I are gonna talk. Now."

"Tony-"

"Now,” he repeated firmly.

"All right," he sighed and stepped away.

Tony led him into the living room, while Thor and Cas stood outside, talking.

"You need to get it together, Stephe."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah. The truth about Loki might not be easy to tell him, but he needs to hear it, all of it."

"You think you have any right to-"

"Stark Weapons, Jericho Missiles, Ultron, Avengers Civil War over the Sakovia Accords, and all that mess. Not fun, not easy to talk about,... but I told Morgan... all of it."

"Why? Why would you do that?"

"Because it's better she hear it from me than someone else. It's not pretty, but it's part of my past and part of her as my daughter. Same with Cas and Loki, and Cas and you. Have you even told him how your hands got scarred, and why they shake?"

Stephen balled his hands into fists.

"I take it that's a no."

Tony sighed, "Stephe,... he's a smart kid. He's already figured out we're hiding a lot from him. Tell him the truth. It's not going to change that fact that you're his dad, or that Loki's his mom."

"But it will change things."

"Yeah, but probably for the better. It's gonna hurt for a while, but he'll trust you even more. Morgan was upset for a long time, but she trusts me, even more than before, because I trusted her. The past, no matter how ugly, won't chase him away."

"Fine. But not here."

"Wherever it's gotta be."

Stephen sighed and approached his son, picking up on some of his conversation with Thor.

"It comes from you as well. Fathers and sons must learn to trust each other."

Cas nodded, "Okay, Uncle Thor."

Thor put an arm around his nephew.

"It'll work out, little bolt."

"If you're sure," Cas muttered.

"Cas."

They both turned, and Thor gently nudged him.

"Go on. Come to me when you're ready, and we'll talk," the King said.

Cas approached his father.

"...Let's go home, Cas. We need to talk."

He followed his father through the portal.

"They'll be all right," Thor said.

"Yeah, but I'll text Wong tomorrow to make sure. Stay for dinner?"

"Of course, if Pepper doesn't mind."

In the Sanctum Stephen nudged the Cloak, and it flew off him.

"Dad?"

"First,... you're grounded."

"Dad-"

"I have never been so worried about if you in my life, Cas. I looked for you for *hours*, with no idea where you were."

"I was in Avengers tower mostly!"

"That doesn't excuse the fact that you ran off," he sighed and hugged his son, "You mean everything to me. Not know where you were... was torture."

".... I'm sorry, Dad."

"Now, about your mother..."

It was a long and painful talk, for the both of them.

"I don't understand," Cas whispered.

"I'm sorry, baby. I just wanted to protect you. The truth is... it's hard, but no matter his past, your mother loved you with all his heart."

"...This is a lot to take in, Dad. It doesn't make sense."

"What's confusing you?"

"Why? Why him and you?"

"Your mother and I met when he came to check on Odin in the nursing home and renew his spell. I brought him to here to evaluate him and figure out if he was still a threat to Earth. The first few times this happened we argued, fought a little, but after a while we just began talking about magic and the universe around Earth and Asgard. Eventually he came to Earth just to see me, which I would guess is when Odin was able to break free. When he told me we were expecting you... it was the happiest moment of both our lives, well second happiest."

"What's the happiest?"

"The day you were born."

Cas was surprised into a smile.

"Daad!"

"It was. We both cried. ... There is actually something from your mother you should have."

He went to his room and brought back a small sphere.

"This is magical recording. Loki made it after you were born, in case anything happened to him, but we agreed you wouldn't have it until you were an adult. I think now's the time. I made one, too, but since you've had me your whole life that never had to come out of the closet."

Stephen kissed his son's head.

"I love you, my star."

"I love you, too, Dad."

The Sorcerer Supreme left him alone, and Cas activated the recording. Loki's image appeared before him.

Cas smiled softly, "Hi, mom."

"All right, I think it's working. ...I hope it is. Cas,... if you're seeing this message then the worst has happened, and... I wasn't there to see you grow up. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you, and I can only hope Stephen was there for you. I don't know if you'll have been given the truth about me... or the things I did. I made a lot of mistakes in my life... hurt a lot of people. I'm not proud of it, not now that my mind is fully my own again."

He clenched his hands as Cas watched and listened.

"I did so much wrong. I have so many regrets, things I can never make up for or fix. People I can never apologize to. ... But you... my darling star... you are the single greatest thing to ever come from my life."

Cas wished he could touch the recording. Tears stung his eyes.

"Never let my mistakes define you. If I can tell you anything, it's this, stand tall and don't let jealously or bitterness break you. Don't let people judge you because of me. Rise above it and show them you are better than I could ever hope to be."

A tear slid down Loki's cheek.

"My Castiel, you are so very precious, and I wish I could have seen you grow up to outshine every star in the universe. I love you so much. I have more regrets than I care to count, but I am so proud of you, even now, and that will never change. I love you dearly, my darling."

A toddler Cas ran into range, and Loki picked him up, kissing his head.

"Say bye-bye."

Toddler Cas waved.

"Bye-bye!" he chirped as the recording ended.

Cas was surprised to find he was crying. He picked up the orb and went to his father's room. Stephen was reading when his son came in and crawled onto the couch beside him and buried his face in his chest, tears running down face.

Stephen rubbed the back of his neck and hugged him.

The next day Cas went to New Asgard, and Thor was waiting with the most precious gift of all. He handed Cas some books.

"These are Loki's diaries and spell journals. I managed to save them from his room on the ship after Thanos' attack."

"Uncle..."

Thor gently squeezed his nephew's hands.

"What is in those pages is not always easy to read, but it will help you understand him better than any of us ever could."

"...Yes, Uncle," Cas clasped them.

The King kissed his nephew's head.

"He would be so incredibly proud of you, little bolt."

Cas cuddled into his chest, the books crushed between them. When he returned to the Sanctum Stephen was waiting in casual clothes.

"I think we deserve ice cream, kiddo."

"Yeah," Cas nodded, "Lavender and honey?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

Cas tucked the books safely in his room and left with his father, feeling lighter and already several times closer to his mother than ever before. In his heart he knew things would be all right.


End file.
